An Spailpín Fánach is both pleased and delighted to beat all conventional and online media in bringing you this, the first comments from An Taoiseach after yesterday's election. This morning, The Leader appeared at one of the bedroom windows in his controversial home on Griffith Avenue and addressed the people below in clear tenor voice, wavering slightly in the higher register but showing great command otherwise. When he finished, and the cheering of the crowds died down, he issued the usual apology to Lord Lloyd-Webber, but not to Sir Tim Rice. It is possible that An Taoiseach has recently read Sir Tim's autobiography, and is still sore at the waste of his precious time. Take it away, Taoiseach:
It won’t be Enda, it’s the labour exchange
For him and the rest of his crew
Getting notions of grandeur and pulling a string
They thought they had me
They thought I was past it, a footnote, a bum
Even though I’m still here all the time
I’ll be running the country again
Poor Enda is past tense, he’s got the mange
Him and his shirts of blue
I'll bet he's outpolled by Mick Ring
So I’ll choose Labour,
Lady Wicklow, Gilmore, Rabbitte and Co
We’ll see what they make
Of the benchmarking sorrow and woe
Don’t cry for me Dublin Central
The truth is I’m still the Taoiseach
The housing crisis
The marriage torment
I still survived
That attack from Vincent
And as for McDowell, and as for the PDs
I don’t think I’ll miss them at all
With their high moral tone and Avoca cookbooks
They are just bowsies
They are not quite the gentry they promised to be
So Labour, for now, will do
‘Til we win a majority again
Don’t cry for me Dublin Central
The truth is I’m still the Taoiseach
The housing crisis
The marriage torment
I still survived
That attack from Vincent
Have I said too much?
I think, Miriam, when you look at the issues that matter to you,
You find, in the totality of the situation,
That every word is poo
Don’t cry for me Dublin Central
The truth is I’m still the Taoiseach
The housing crisis
The marriage torment
I still survived
That attack from Vincent
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