The Dublin Gurrier's Song, from the Pirates of Phibsboro (A Work in Progress)

Sir William Schwenck Gilbert once quipped after a particularly poor performance of Hamlet that the question of who wrote the plays of Shakespeare could now finally be settled. It was simply a question of opening the graves of both William Shakespeare and Francis Bacon, and seeing which of them had turned over.

Old WSG will be burrowing his own way out after this, the poor old hoor:

SONG: DUBLIN GURRIER

I am the very model of a dodgy Dublin gurrier,
I'm working on the quiet as a motorcycle courier.
Spinning round the city, I always have to hurry her
Collecting rats and cats for a leading Dublin furrier.
I'm sick to death of immigrants, both Nigerian and Romanian;
It's more detail than I need to keep track of in my cranium;
If I wanted to be smart I would have been librarian
To a wealthy private school of religion Presbytarian.

ALL

He's working on the quiet as a motorcycle courier,
'Cos he is the very model of a dodgy Dublin gurrier.

DUBLIN GURRIER

I like to deal in grass and hash in an alley down off Grafton Street
The rich kids up from Ranelagh are the favourite ones I like to meet
"It's only fifty Euro bud, my grass is straight from Marrakesh" -
That I cut it in the Phoenix Park is something that I don't confess.

ALL

That he cuts it in the Phoenix Park is something that he don't confess
That he cuts it in the Phoenix Park is something that he don't confess
That he cuts it in the Phoenix Park is something that he don't confess

DUBLIN GURRIER

I'm in a council flat with a mot whose name is Natalie,
I'm getting very worried that she's quickly going fat on me.
I might have to do a legger and move in with me Ma and Da,
Especially as my Natalie is now embracing kabbalah.
I'm hopelessly addicted to cider, skag and methadone;
I'm living in flat in the middle of a battlezone
When social workers call I pretend that I'm not at home
While I'm drinking bottle after bottle of disinfecting Parazone®.

ALL

He's drinking bottle after bottle of disinfecting Parazone®
He's drinking bottle after bottle of disinfecting Parazone®
He's drinking bottle after bottle of disinfecting Parazone®

He's working on the quiet as a motorcycle courier,
'Cos he is the very model of a dodgy Dublin gurrier.