Fergus Finlay is Ready for His Close-Up

Is Fergus Finlay the Quentin Tarantino of Irish politics? An influential director of the 1990s who now dreams of the spotlight himself?

It’s never easy watching Tarantino act. To echo William Goldman, Tarantino craves the Bogart part, but he is the Elisha Cook, Jr, part. Will Finlay be as successful in the shop window as he was behind the scenes?

Certainly Finlay launched his campaign quite smoothly, with interviews on Morning Ireland on Thursday and with Ivan Yates immediately afterwards on Newstalk.

Finlay, a man known to be touchy, sounded quite avuncular, except for letting a cloven hoof pop out with a winsome quote from Chairman Mao at the end of the Morning Ireland interview, when he must have thought himself home and dry. It’s hard to see a Maoist head of state as being as step in the right direction for the Green Isle of Erin. Who needs another famine, after all?

Finlay seems to place great store in his time on the Mary Robinson Presidential campaign as good experience for his own Presidential run. Is that entirely a good idea? Robinson’s campaign slogan was “A President with a Purpose” – does anybody remember exactly what that purpose was?

At the time, the purpose was almost certainly solely to soften a Fianna Fáil cough but over the twenty years since, the Presidency seems to have evolved into being the Mammy of the nation.

Robinson was the Beta Test, a matriarch like one of those fearsome old Victorians whose issue would be presented to her by their governesses at bedtime for the one minute’s quality time with Mamma. Mary McAleese, by contrast, is the Mater Ne Plus Ultra, the Mammyiest Mammy of them all. And good luck to them both but if Fergus Finlay thinks he can emulate that he’s backing the wrong horse. He’d have to lose the whiskers at the very least.

The other remarkable trait of the Robinson Presidency was that Mary Robinson is the only President of Ireland to vacate her post before her term of office was up, having traded up to a nice UN job. It’s a free country of course, but goodness, I don’t think the people would be happy to elect someone to treat the office like that again.

Perhaps Fergus Finlay will be able to use the coming year to tell us what exactly he hopes his purpose will be. Because the single most bizarre thing about the inchoate Finlay campaign is that he’s launched it so early.

The Presidential election isn’t due until of next year, fourteen months away. Who thinks the Government will last that long? It’s rather stunning to think that they’ve lasted so long in the first place. The General Election and the state of nation are what preoccupy the nation now; the tenant of the Vice-Regal Lodge seems rather small beer in comparison.

Last week we had hourly Twitter updates from The Journal about the fluctuations in the yield price of Irish ten-year bonds as the country teetered once more on the precipice. There are grey haired men in grey suits in grey offices in Frankfurt and Washington, DC, who look at Irish balance sheets and wonder whether or not it’s time to send in the Heavy Mob. Who in earth gives a toss right now about who’ll be President in 2011 in the light of that grim reality? It doesn’t matter who’ll open schools once the IMF have halved the number of them in the state and wished half the teachers a sweet fare-thee-well.

But Finlay has ploughed on regardless and now, instead of sweating what will almost certainly be the toughest budget since 1929 the much put-upon citizenry have this dog and pony show to further muddy discussions on who we are and where we’re going. There is only good thing from all this and that is that at last, Fergus Finlay and Bertie Ahern have something in common. They are both ready for their close-up.

Scéal Bertie Ahern Aréir

Nárbh fíor-spéisiúil an clár teilifíse aréir ar Bhertie Ahern, iar-Thaoiseach na hÉireann? Shíleas féin, ar dtús, nach mbeidh ann ach obair sneachta, mar a deirtear i Meiriceá, ach taispeánadh cuid Bertie nár thaispeánadh riamh. Bíonn Bertie cúramach, cúramach, cúramach go deo, ach seo é an chéad uair riamh nuair a bhfuarthas sracfhéachaint ar an bhfear féin.

Bhíodh Bertie Ahern agus ré Bertie, ré an Tíogair Cheiltigh, go dtuga Dia trócaire ar an bpiscín bocht, á chánach riamh nár bhaineadh creideamh éigin taobh thiar an ré. Dúirt Alan Dukes, an Taoiseach is fearr nach raibh againne riamh, nár shíleadh sé go raibh radharc éigin ag Bertie conas an thír a feabhsú, a dhéanamh níos fearr ná mar a bhíodh. Agus is léir ón gclár aréir go raibh an cheart ag Dukes; níor bhac Bertie agus a dhream le tada seachas an chumhacht.

Toghadh Bertie don gcéad uair i 1977, agus d'adhmail sean-chairde Bertie Ahern, a bhí ar an sráideanna ar a shon an aimsir sin, nach raibh suim dá laghad acu i bhFianna Fáil ná an polaitíocht. Cheapadar gurb a dtáirge é Ahern, agus bhí orthu é a díol le daoine an cheantair mar a dhíolfadh mála prátaí. Ní mbaineann mórán uaisleachta leis an straitéis sin, agus bá léir go raibh daoine i bhFianna Fáil curtha amach leis fós, tríocha bliain slán uathu anois.

Agus Bertie istigh i gcumhacht anois, bhí air a chumhacht a feabhsú agus a choinneáil níos daingne arís. Scrios Bertie agus a dhream - an "Drumcondra Mafia" - roinnt sean-chumann a bhíodh sa cheantar le fada, fada an lá, agus níor thaispeánadh mórán meas ar an seandream sin - cuid acu a sheas le Dev féin, is dócha - aréir. "The Yellow Rose of Finglas" a chur duine acu ar Jim Tunney, fear a rinne rud ar son a thíre, agus bhí blas gránna ar an gcaint sin. Dúirt duine eile acu nárbh ann sa sean-chumainn sin ach seandaoine ag bualadh le chéile "ar son tae agus bogchaint ar 1916." Is tír eile an t-am atá thart dár leis na Maifiosi seo.

Ní chóir gan scríobh go bhfuil fíor-bhua polaitíochta ag Bertie Ahern, gur thug sé síocháin sa Thuaisceart agus saibhreas sa Dheisceart, rud nach mbíodh ag ceachtar acu céanna seo. Ach tá boladh gránna ann freisin maidir leis an dtóir cumhachta seo, agus an drochmheas a thaispeánadh ar an seandhream Fianna Fáil, daoine dá leithéid George Colley nó Jim Tunney. Agus déanann Bertie an madra le chuid dá scéalta. Mar shampla:

Déantar roinnt cainte i gcónaí maidir le Bertie agus a grá spóirt. Bhí an bhogchaint seo ar an gclár aréir, agus Bertie ag bladaráil maidir lena óige mar pheileadóir. Ach níor chonaiceamar ach pictiúr amháin, agus sa phictiúr sin cé go raibh na buachaillí eile ag caitheamh léinte spóirt, bhí a éadaigh sráide ar Bertie. Nuair a chonaic do Spailpín é, tháinig na sean focail Chathail Uí hEoghaigh arís im' chloigín: "An fear is cliste, is glice, is neamhthrócairigh don gcuid go léir." Táim ag tnúth go mór leis an dara chlár.





Technorati Tags: Gaeilge, Bertie Ahern, polaitíocht, RTÉ

Bertie Ahern and the Road to Croker

It was with no small amount of trepidation that your faithful historian of contemporary Irish life settled himself into his armchair last night to watch – or sit through – The Road to Croker on RTÉ 2 last night, presented by former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern.

It seems plain that the show’s original premise was that Dublin would be safely in the semis by the time the show went on air, so RTÉ would be able to use Bertie in the most beloved of their GAA “angles,” the Dub in rural Ireland. You can imagine them pitching it, can’t you? “It’ll be just like Witness, that Harrison Ford movie, about the city guy lost in the country, but instead of Amish, we’ll have, you know, boggers.”

And so it came to pass, Tyrone having knocked Dublin on the head last Saturday notwithstanding. A navy and blue outfitted Bertie made his regal entrance, and asked “who better to have by your side than two high ranking generals from Heffo’s army?” before introducing James Keveaney and Patrick Cullen.

Who better, indeed?

Let’s put this in perspective. Imagine, for a second, that you’re a current Cork footballer. You’re on the second violin to the hurlers for your entire life, and now the rise of Munster rugby could wipe you out entirely. You’re a Munster Champion but, looking back on that day in July, it’s only beginning to dawn on you that you may have been sold a pup.

And on the eve of what is almost certainly your last run out in the Championship, you have to sit through a load of old blather about Dublin in the rare old times? This is 2008 – Heffo’s army is about as relevant as George Armstrong Custer’s.

How very depressing. The history of shows like The Road to Croker has always been a sad one. There is a part of An Spailpín that is irresistibly drawn to them, because they are aimed right smack at his demographic. But it’s a sad truth that Irish television, and especially RTÉ, knows very little about how to handle the Irish rural experience. Why don’t they get John Waters involved, or that guy that wrote Pure Mule? Instead, we just get the same old soft chat that hasn’t changed since Liam Ó Murchú.

An Spailpín has been haunted by something Derek Davis said on one of those Sunday brunch shows on the radio the weekend Brian Cowen was elected. “The Dublin media don’t understand rural Ireland,” said the big man. “They never understood Reynolds and they won’t understand Cowen.”

The GAA programs like The Road to Croker and Up for the Final are evidence of this. An Spailpín is convinced that the reason for Des Cahill having a career at all is because he is seen by RTÉ panjandrums as someone who can speak to the country bumpkins, just as the Victorians treasured the polygot ability of Sir Richard Burton – a chap who could speak bongo-bongo but didn’t actually go native (although they were never quite sure about Burton).

Bertie Ahern is a natural replacement to Cahill in this regard. Ahern’s support of the Dubs was portrayed in the press in terms of wonderment, like a sporting version of Tourrette’s. The place to see and be seen these days in the capital is the RDS for the Leinster rubby. It was never Croke Park. The rubby fans are only there under sufferance, bussed safely back and forth from Ballsbridge. Like Oisin home from Tír na nÓg, their feet must never touch the Northside. The notion of a man who had never committed farming and actually wanted to be in Croke Park is beyond comprehension.

And so the show stumbled along, helplessly bound by its limits. There was a marvellous but cruelly brief VT piece about the Gaeltacht club itself, including some comments from a Frenchman atá ina chónaí sa cheantar agus Gaeilge bhreá bhríomhar aige, bail ó Dhia air, and a joke VT about the history of Croke Park with the usual blather about the rugby. But the interview with the witty Paul Flynn of Waterford was a missed opportunity, the sharpshooter competition is thin enough gruel, and it all petered out harmlessly with some more blather from P Sé himself and a token preview of the game on Sunday.

Cork got their first mention of the show at sixteen minutes past nine. It’s not easy feel for a Corkman, but this was no way to treat a team who are playing in August in Croke Park, even if they are Bolsheviks. An Spailpín’s naughty angel was hoping that the show would show a sense of humour at the last by having Bertie perform his famous whip around as the titles rolled, his customary party piece at such functions according to press reports of earlier in the year, but no joy. Ah well. Maybe next time.

FOCAL SCOIR: Anybody notice anything about that link for The Road to Croker up the way? Says it all, really. Sigh.





Technorati Tags: Ireland, culture, RTÉ, TV, GAA, Bertie Ahern, The Road to Croker

Oidhreacht Bertie Ahern

Fuair do Spailpín Fánach ríomhphost ó fhealsúnóir atá ina chara dom ar maidin, agus eisean ag smaoineamh ar imeacht Bertie Ahern. Ba chóir do Bhertie a cheacht deireanach a fhoglaim ó Chathal Ó hEoghaigh dar leis, agus luaigh ar Othello ar a lá deireachach. Ach in ionad na focail Othello a luaigh Ó hEochaigh, "rinne mé chuid séirbhise ar son an Stáit," ba chóir do Bherite tagairt a dhéanamh ar Iago: "seo mar a chuirim mo sparán i m'amadán dom."

Tugaim faoi deara gur duirt Enda Ó Cionnaigh gurbh iad eachtra Mahon a mbeidh ina oidhreacht ag Bertie Ahern. Tá an mí-cheart ag Ó Cionnaigh agus, mar is gnáth leis, ní thuigeann sé an uair. Agus Bertie tite ar a chlaíomh anois, tá a oidhreacht slán go deo na ndeor. Is cuma cad a thárlóidh ag Mahon as seo amach. An scéal is measa a dtiocfaidh amach, mura a bhfuil an dubh ina bhán againne go deo, ná gur ól sé braoinín fíona altóra, nach raibh sé ar thóir na mbuachaillí altóra. Ní fear olc é Bertie Ahern mar duine; agus eisean ina Thaoiseach bhí an tír níos saibhre ná mar a bhí riamh, agus thóg sé síochán don Tuaisceart. Is mór-éacht ceachtar acu; lena cheile, níl duine ar bith comh mór le Bertie Ahern i stáir na tíre ná Dev féin, b'fhéidir.

Bhí réalt óg Fine Gael, Lucinda Creighton, ar an raidió aréir, agus ise ag cáineadh an dámaiste a rinneadh Bertie Ahern ar mheas polaitíochta in Éirinn. Is fíor dí go bhfuil meas polaitíochta níos ísle na mar a bhí riamh, ach níl ar Ahern amháin atá an locht. Cá raibh an freasúra nuair a bhí Bertie faoi bhrú? Cén fáth nar ionsaíodar air i rith an toghchán an bhliain seo caite? Mar ní chóir daoine ina gcónaí i dtithe gloine cloig a chaitheamh. Tá an boladh bréan ar na polaiteoirí mar tá an boladh céanna orainne go leir? Nuair atá cúpla punt sínte amach duinn - "duit féin, a mhic, meas tú," - agus an sméideach tugtha duinn, nó nuair a fheicimid seans cúpla punt a dhéanamh ar leathaobh, cé againne a dhiultaíonn? Sinne atá leisciúl, agus gach uile duine eile ag baint gach pingin rua.

Ach tá rud níos measa ag cur isteach ar an Spailpín anois, agus mise ag iarraidh radharc a fháil ar na blianta romhainn. An bhfuil an polaitíocht tabhachtach fós in Éirinn? Cén fáth nach bhfuil freasúra ann? An bhfuil an Tánaiste ina fhíor-fhreasúra? Mar tá níos mó seans ag leas-cheannaire Fianna Fáil dul ina Thaoiseach ná mar atá ag ceannaire an fhreasúra faoi láthair, agus ní fheictear fógra dá laghad go n-athrófar an scéal.

Beimid ag céillúradh an tÉirí Amach i gceann ocht mbliana, agus bunús an Saorstáit i 2021. Cén cuma a mbeidh ar an stát ansin? An mbeidh na Poláinnigh bogtha ar aís anóir? An meid roinnt maith Gaeil imithe leosan, ar thóir obair, mar a d'imigh a sínsear leis na blianta, agus na tithe breá nua folamha ar a gcul? Cad í Éirinn - tír neamhspleach, nó ceantar iarthair na hEorpa? Labhraitear roinnt bhladair faoi fhobairt na tuaithe, ach cad atá ag tárlú ach go mbogann gach aon duine go Bleá Cliath ar thóir oibre? Sin an fadhb is mó, níos laidre ná cúrsaí eacnamaíochta nach bhfuil faoi smacht tír bheag cosuil linne ar aon anós, atá os comhair an Taoisigh nua.

Maidir le Bertie féin, fágaim an focal deireanach le Uinsin de Brún, agus alt ar scríobh sé san Irish Times ar an 23ú lá Meitheamh, 2004. Scríobh sé faoin meid foighne a bhí ag Bertie Ahern, gurbh é an bua is mó aige gurbh fhéidir leis gréim a choinnéal ar a chuid foighne agus gach uile duine ag ionsaigh air, do dtí go ndéantar an beart. Agus leabhar Jonathan Powell foilsithe le déanaí, ag taispeant comh deacair a bhí díospóireacht sular ndéarna an beart i Stormont, is cóir duinn cuimhneamh ar sin. Tá súil agam go mbeidh gach bua is beannacht ag Bertie Ahern i bhfómhar a saoil. Rinne sé roinnt oibre ar son na hÉireann, agus ní thógfar uaidh go deo í.





Technorati Tags: Gaeilge, polaitíocht, Bertie Ahern, cúrsaí reatha

An Taoiseach's Early Morning Post-Election Address to the Nation

An Spailpín Fánach is both pleased and delighted to beat all conventional and online media in bringing you this, the first comments from An Taoiseach after yesterday's election. This morning, The Leader appeared at one of the bedroom windows in his controversial home on Griffith Avenue and addressed the people below in clear tenor voice, wavering slightly in the higher register but showing great command otherwise. When he finished, and the cheering of the crowds died down, he issued the usual apology to Lord Lloyd-Webber, but not to Sir Tim Rice. It is possible that An Taoiseach has recently read Sir Tim's autobiography, and is still sore at the waste of his precious time. Take it away, Taoiseach:

It won’t be Enda, it’s the labour exchange
For him and the rest of his crew
Getting notions of grandeur and pulling a string

They thought they had me
They thought I was past it, a footnote, a bum
Even though I’m still here all the time
I’ll be running the country again

Poor Enda is past tense, he’s got the mange
Him and his shirts of blue
I'll bet he's outpolled by Mick Ring

So I’ll choose Labour,
Lady Wicklow, Gilmore, Rabbitte and Co
We’ll see what they make
Of the benchmarking sorrow and woe

Don’t cry for me Dublin Central
The truth is I’m still the Taoiseach
The housing crisis
The marriage torment
I still survived
That attack from Vincent

And as for McDowell, and as for the PDs
I don’t think I’ll miss them at all
With their high moral tone and Avoca cookbooks

They are just bowsies
They are not quite the gentry they promised to be
So Labour, for now, will do
‘Til we win a majority again

Don’t cry for me Dublin Central
The truth is I’m still the Taoiseach
The housing crisis
The marriage torment
I still survived
That attack from Vincent

Have I said too much?
I think, Miriam, when you look at the issues that matter to you,
You find, in the totality of the situation,
That every word is poo

Don’t cry for me Dublin Central
The truth is I’m still the Taoiseach
The housing crisis
The marriage torment
I still survived
That attack from Vincent







Technorati Tags: Ireland, politics, election, satire, Bertie Ahern

Ar Thóir an Airgid - Bertie Faoi Bhrú ag an mBrúnach

Nárbh áit an comhdháil nuachta a bhí againne inné, agus Uinsinn de Brún ar thóir airgid Bertie Ahern mar a bhíodh sé ar thóir airgid Chathail Uí hEoghaigh fiche nó tríocha bhlian ó shin? Ba chuimhin le gach duine a bhí ann inné ar na laethanta sin agus mura chuimhin leo, chuir an Brúnach an sean-ré ina chuimhne arís nuair a rinne PJ Mara, bainisteoir comhdhála nuachta, iarracht béal an Bhrúnaigh a dhúnadh. Rud atá níos deacra ná mar a shílfeá.

Ach cá bhfuil tuiscint an phobail anois tar éis an chéad seachtain olltoghcháin seo? An bhfuil níos mó nó níos lú múinin againne i mBertie? Ar chaill sé rud éigin? Agus má chaill, ab fhéidir leis gach rud a chailleadh a thabairt arís, agus níos mó, ins na fiche lá atá faghta aige sa fheachtas fós?

Scríobh do scríobhnóir cúpla lá ó shin go bhfuil méain chumarsáide na hÉireann ar an taobh chlé, beag nó mór. Cuireadh ríomhphost chugam mar gheall ar sin, ag rá nach raibh an ceart agam. Táim ag smaoineamh ar an gceist fós, agus ar m'anam, níl fios agam cá bhfuil méain chumarsáide na hÉireann sa diabhal, nó an bhfuil fios acu féin.

Tóg cúrsaí inné, agus conas a chuireadh amach an scéal. Cad é an scéal a bhí ag na méain? Gur ionsaigh Uinsinn de Brún ar Bertie Ahern? Nach raibh an Taoiseach reidh don ceisteanna ar airgead an Taoisigh? Go ndearna feall ar an Áire Airgid nuair a d'athraigh Fianna Fáil a dtuairim ar an ndleacht stampála, agus an tÁire Airgid ag rá nach n-athróidh? Bhí na scéalta go léir seo ag méain áirithe agus ar chláracha áirithe le linn an lae inné, agus ag na páipéirí inniu, ach níor tháining éinne amach ag ceistiú an rud is mó atá i mbeal na daoine maidir le Ahern anois - an raibh, nó an bhfuil, an Taoiseach ag tógail airgid nach gcóir do a thógail?

Sin tús agus deireadh an scéil. Dá mbainfeadh scéal céanna le polaiteoir éigin i Shasana, mar shampla, beidh a rás rite sula an nuacht ag a ní a chlog. Ach anseo in Éirinn, níltear comh soléir sin. Ní thaitníonn linn, na Gaeil, bheith i gcomhréir lena gcéile. Shíltear nach gcóir d'éinne a chánacha a seachaint, ach má insíonn cara duinn faoin stróic breá a d'imir sé ar an mbaillitheoir cánach, an gcuirtear glaoch ar na Gardaí? Mar dhea - cuirtear glaoch ar an mbéar, agus óltar sláinte an fear glic go dtitim oíche.

An rógaire é Bertie Ahern, nó an fear glic é? Más rógaire é, cén fáth nach n-ionsaíonn an lucht freasúra air? Deireadh ar Phrime Time oíche Dé Máirt, agus an scéal ag druidim go mall amach ag an am, nár thaitníonn leo ionsaigh air mar d'éirigh Ahern cúig phointe sa phollanna an uair deireanach a n-ionsaíodh air maidir lena airgead, agus ní thaitneodh le Phat nó le Inda an tubáiste céanna a tharla arís.

Dar liom féin, tá feachas Fhianna Fáil i bhfad níos laige ná mar a bhí ag an uair chéanna cúig bhliain ó shin, agus tá sé dóchreite ar fad nach bhfuil siad reidh ar cheisteanna airgid an Taoisigh. Ag an am céanna, is fada an lá go rachaimid chuig na pollanna agus is fada trí seachtain i gcúrsaí polaitiúla. I gceann lá is deich, tugfaidh Bertie Ahern oráid i dTeach Westminister. Beidh an cruinniú is laidre é idir ceannairí Shasana agus Éireann ón lá a chuaigh Gráinne Uí Mháille suas an abhainn Thames chun caint leis an mBanríon Éilis, banríon le banríon. Má tá Ahern beo fós, cuirfear clú mór le Ahern as an oráid sin. Comh maith le sin, is fada iad trí seachtain ar ceannairí Fhine Gael Enda a choinnéal slán. Tá an Brúnach amach fós, agus tá blás fola aige anois. Tá roinnt spraoí fagtha sa fheachtas seo!





Technorati Tags: Gaeilge, Éirinn, Bertie Ahern, toghchán